It occurs to me that I should probably not start off this blog post by admitting that maybe I’m enjoying an alcoholic root beer float at the moment. But given that this is a slightly more personal entry rather than a critical one, I don’t think it is entirely out of the spirit of things. Besides, the holidays are all about enjoying oneself with whimsy and mirth. My mirth just sometimes needs a nudge. Unbeknownst to me until maybe a couple of minutes ago when I decided to start writing this entry, my blog is a year old. Well, a year and a month old, if you want to be accurate about it. It’s been a wild year, hasn’t it? While I don’t write here nearly as much as I should, or want to, I feel like my “return” to blogging has been fairly ponderous and more successful than I could have ever imagined. I learned a lot of things not just about the game we all enjoy, but a little about you guys. And a lot about myself. This blog marks a huge change in me — it was an attempt to regain some control in my life as well as an expression of things in at least one part of my life. The fact that I’ve made it a year without grinding to a halt, made new friends and even enacted some measure of force on the game I enjoy is something I find myself profoundly grateful for. I’m thankful for this blog as the catalyst for all the things I’m about to list and quite a few more than that.
Without going into too much detail, the thing I’m most thankful for at the end of this year in particular is solace. One of my major on-going stresses (being the target of persistent, pervasive harassment) has finally resolved itself. It’s been seven months and I feel so grateful that that chapter of my life is hopefully over. I’ve got that hazy sort of warmth that you feel when you wake up one day and realize you’re not in pain anymore. Instead of having my wounds ripped open every single day, I’m starting to mend and heal. A great burden has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel like I have the freedom to be more of myself.
Long before I was a blogger, I was an artist. But I gave it up and got tired of it for a long, long time. Mostly because I was depressed and didn’t feel motivated. This year I wrestled my way out of my funk and started again, realizing that I’m not that terrible and I can do this. I’ve even made a little bit of money off commissions, which has only bolstered my confidence. I love being able to express myself in a way that is visual and not just words. Seeing my progress slowly creep forward has also been a big deal for me. I feel like I’m starting to be a “good” artist.
Art was my first language and it is the one I am most thankful for being able to speak with again.
I’m beyond lucky that I managed to find not only a therapy program that was affordable while not working but features an incredibly thoughtful and young therapist. Most of the reasons I’m a lot more mentally healthy and secure this year is because of therapy and the work I’ve been able to do while in it. It’s given me the strength to weather the bad stuff, work on the hard things, and appreciate the measure of stability I feel now.
My Friends and Guild
We’ve been through some ups and downs but overall I have the most amazing support network of amazing people in my life. They are all incredibly generous, caring, understanding, supportive, loving, hilarious, intelligent, trustworthy and special. I don’t think I would trade them in for anything and they mean so much to me. If I had nothing else in the world, I’d be thankful for having them beside me.
I hope that this year has been good to you readers as well, and I’m appreciative that you’ve been on this crazy blog ride with me as well. Here’s to another one, hopefully, and I hope that you have many things to be thankful about.